


Inside the dark apartment

by Chelou_mecs_in_love



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Comfort, Depressive Episode, I Love You, I have a lot of feelings okay, I love you by riophy, Leave a light on, Lucas Lallemant instagram post inspiration, Lucas protecting Eliott, M/M, Manic Episode, Pain, Skam France - Freeform, Talking, elu - Freeform, i'm here, je suis la, je t'aime, la petite ceinture, lucas and Eliott talk a little, merci Lucas, t'es plus tout seul, that day Lucas showed up at Eliotts apartment and listens to Leave a light on, the missing scene, you're not alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-04 09:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelou_mecs_in_love/pseuds/Chelou_mecs_in_love
Summary: Lucas is outside his apartment. Eliott saw his Instagram post just a second ago, the moment Lucas posted it. Because, like the stalker he is, he put up notification for everything Lucas posts. That’s why he’s looking through the little spot between his curtains right now. That’s why he’s being a creep right now and looking at someone standing on the streets.





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is my first Elu fanfic.. And also the first fanfic I've written in over 8 years.. For now this will be a two chapter story, but maybe I will keep updating if I feel like it and if you guys like it.. Feel free to leave comments or kudos 😊  
> Based on Lucas instagram story from march 21th, the one where he's outside Eliotts apartment and listening to "Leave a light on" by Tom Walker  
> I'm not bipolar, so I don't really know what it's like to have an episode, whether it's a manic or a depressive episode. But this is just my take on things.

Lucas is outside his apartment. Eliott saw his Instagram post just a second ago, the moment Lucas posted it. Because, like the stalker he is, he put up notifications for everything Lucas posts. That’s why he’s looking through the little spot between his curtains right now. That’s why he’s being a creep right now and looking at someone standing on the streets. The person is barely moving, just standing there. He knows it’s Lucas. He knows that boy so well. Every inch of that body he knows, he touched. That beautiful morning. When everything was still fine. When everything was more than fine. When everything was perfect. Now it’s all gone to shit. He can no longer think about Lucas without feeling guilty. The way he just left the boy on the boat. He can’t even think about it without tearing up. He promised himself he wouldn’t hurt Lucas. Not again. But he did. He left without telling Lucas. He was just going for a swim, but he knew he wasn’t. it’s never “just going for a swim”, “just going outside”, “just going”. It’s always something more.

That day had been perfect. Just before school he met up with Lucas to make plans for that evening. He had it all figured out. They were going to go to the docks, he would surprise Lucas with a weekend on the boat. His uncles boat. His uncle had been so supportive when he told him about his idea. He even helped Eliott to put up the lights and make sure everything was set-up for their weekend away from everything. It would’ve been perfect. If only that thing didn’t happen. If only Eliott would’ve not had this thing hanging over his head. This fear of losing it. Losing Lucas. Losing himself.

He had been so happy the moment school was over. He had been teasing Lucas all day about what they were going to do. Sending him songs, pictures, always mysterious. He likes to surprise his mec. He could do that every day. Seeing that beautiful, happy look on his face because of something Eliott did for him. That was the only thing that mattered. Making Lucas happy.

When they entered the docks, Lucas had been nervous. Eliott told him not to look and put his hands over Lucas’ eyes. They had been giggling and laughing the whole way there. Never getting enough of each other, never losing contact, always holding hands, touching one way or another. The moment they got unto the boat, everything became quit around them. Eliott was so nervous. Showing this boat to Lucas meant so much. It meant a weekend away, no prying eyes, no interruptions. He could already feel something in the back of his mind, pushing at him to be careful, to not let the other boy too close, but he was way too happy to listen to that voice. Just so happy to be here with Lucas, the only one who could keep him grounded, but at the same time made him feel like he was flying. He couldn’t keep the happiness inside any longer, so he just screamed across the water how beautiful his mec is. His perfect mec.

Outside the window, Lucas was still there, still listening to the same song he’s been listening to all evening. If only he could tell Eliott how much he means to him, how much he wants to hold him right now. Just hold him. They don’t need to talk. He just needs to know Eliott is okay. He needs to know it’s not all gone to shit. But all he can do is stand there and look at the window. The window from the apartment with no lights on.

Inside that apartment Eliott is still thinking about that wonderful day. When they went inside, it was even more perfect. Candle lights everywhere, leaving a soft, orange glow. Making Lucas even more beautiful, more youthful than ever before. He looked so young in that light. So full of life, full of love. Eliott looked at him, smiling. That was all he could do in that moment. Just smile and enjoy the moment. He heard that nagging voice in the back of his mind again. The voice that told him he wasn’t good enough, he would only hurt Lucas, he didn’t deserve him. But he pushed it back, enjoying the good moments, the good feelings. The feelings of being loved. The feelings of being here, now, with this wonderful boy. They joked around and kept drinking the fake champagne. Kept eating the real Italian ham, kept looking at each other. It had been perfect.

They even shared a joint to relax a bit. It didn’t really help though. The only thing it did was heighten everything. It made Eliott feel even more. More happy, more in love, more feelings. And those feelings were dangerous. He didn’t know what to do with all these feelings. He wanted to talk to Lucas about it. Wanted to tell him how he felt, how happy he was that Lucas choose him, that Lucas finally wanted to be with him. After everything he had done. After everything they went through. He needed to tell Lucas about it. What he felt. Just not like that. Not that straight forward. Marriage. That would be a good topic. Marriage, and ham. And getting away with the boat. Lucas brought that one up, so it would be easy to talk about. The boat. This wonderful boat. He could spend his life there. With Lucas, of course. And ham. And potato chips. And real champagne. Everything for Lucas. He would rent the whole world if Lucas asked him that. He would buy the moon, buy everything Lucas wants. He would rent the boat so they could get married on it, sail away and get lost. He couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself, so he just rambled on. He doesn’t even know what he said anymore. It doesn’t really matter anyway. He could feel the pressure behind his eyes, the way his thoughts became all consuming. He just wanted to be happy. Be happy with Lucas. Be good for him. Laugh with him. Love him.

Eliott looks outside, just to check if Lucas is still there. It makes him feel safe, to know that Lucas is standing there, just looking at the apartment, not even knowing if Eliott is inside. It makes him feel cared for. Like he matters. Like Lucas still cares for him, still wants to be with him. Even though it would be better if he just stayed away. It would be better for Lucas if he just didn’t care about him. It would save them both a lot of pain, a lot of heartbreak. Because he will break Lucas heart. He will say stupid stuff, making him think that he doesn’t care about him. Screaming things at Lucas about not needing him. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to hurt Lucas. Even now. When they haven’t talked in about a week, he still cares so much about Lucas. He can’t hurt him, not like he hurt him when he left the boat.

He had been sitting in that chair for hours, listening to the waves crashing against the boat. Just watching Lucas sleep. Hearing him breath. It didn’t bother him. He felt safe just looking at his boy. His beautiful, innocent boy. His mec. His everything. It felt like too much and not enough at the same time. He wanted to hold Lucas, but also scream and just get out of there. There was not enough air in the room, not enough oxygen to breath properly. When Lucas turned around and asked him what he was doing and why he wasn’t sleeping, Eliott just had to tell him he was too beautiful. Too pure. Too perfect. How could he sleep with such a beautiful boy right next to him? How could he compare to Lucas? Why would Lucas ever love him. How could he ever ask Lucas to love him? He shouldn’t. He should stay away. He should go.

One last look at Lucas made him get up from the chair and put on his shoes. He was still naked, but he couldn’t care less. He just had to get out. Had to feel the air rushing through his hair, feel the cold wind on his body. Get out before it was too late. Before he could hurt Lucas more than he was about to do. Just get out, get out. He vaguely heard Lucas ask him where he was going. He didn’t know yet. Maybe swimming was a good plan. Going into the water. Into the cold. That would take him back to earth. Make him think clearly. The water has always been good like that. Not thinking about anything but the shock of the cold water. He needed to go. Now. Before Lucas could stop him. Before he could stop himself. So, he went. Into the night. Into the cold.

Eliott notices movement outside his apartment. Lucas is about to leave. He can’t leave. He needs Lucas to be there. He needs him to watch over him. He needs Lucas to look at the window. To stay there. To act like he cares. He has to make sure Lucas stays. He has to make sure Lucas knows he’s inside. With heavy legs Eliott gets up from his space by the window, walking over to his desk and clicking on the light. He almost falls to the floor in a rush to get back to the window. To see if Lucas is still there. To see if he still cares. He is not. Lucas is gone.


	2. T'es plus tout seul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next time he wakes up, he is in his bed. He doesn’t know how he got there or who put him there. All he knows is he feels safe and sleepy. All he wants to do is close his eyes again and sleep for another day or two. But he can’t. Because there’s a note on the pillow next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank bluesxrgent for her help in finding the right word when I just couldn't find it. Merci Mec!!   
> I also want to thank all of you mecs who've read the story and commented! Or just read it and liked it. Or just read it!! It means so much to me!!   
> I decided to keep writing the story and see how far I can come..

All Eliott can do now is sit on the ground right next to his window. He doesn’t want to get up to turn off the light, he doesn’t want to look out the window to see no one there, he doesn’t even want to cry. He’s just numb. All he can do is stare straight ahead and feel empty. He didn’t want Lucas to go. Not now, not back then when he walked away in the cafeteria, not ever. Without realizing it there are tears on his cheeks. They keep falling, he can’t stop them. Doesn’t even want to. He just doesn’t have the energy anymore to do anything else besides sitting there. He just wants to curl up on the floor and sleep.

He must’ve drift off a little bit, because the next thing he knows, there’s someone knocking at his door. He doesn’t have the strength yet to get up or to even talk, so he just ignores it. He doesn’t want his mom checking in on him anyways. He knows she’s worried, but he just can’t talk about it. Can’t make her understand. So, he just ignores her. If he keeps it up long enough, she’ll leave. There’s another knock on the door and his mom saying something. He doesn’t know what, because he just doesn’t want to listen and keeps pressing his hands against his ears to block out all the noises. It’s too much.

The next time he wakes up, he is in his bed. He doesn’t know how he got there or who put him there. All he knows is he feels safe and sleepy. All he wants to do is close his eyes again and sleep for another day or two. But he can’t. Because there’s a note on the pillow next to him. His mom never leaves a note, so he’s curious. He doesn’t really feel like reading it right now, still too tired, too heartbroken, from Lucas leaving. From him leaving Lucas. From everything. All the emotions. It’s still too much. Too painful. All he can do for now is look at the name at the bottom of the note, to see who left it there for him. Lucas.

And just like that he’s awake. He almost falls of the bed because he wants to sit up while reading it. All his attention focused on the note. Lucas was here. He must have been. Why did he leave a note? Was Lucas in his room? Without Eliott noticing? What did he do? Did he talk to his parents? Did they tell him anything? His heart is beating so fast and his thoughts are all over the place. For now, he needs to focus and read the note. Read whatever Lucas wrote down. Eliott takes a few calming breaths and closes his eyes to get his heartbeat back to normal. Or at least he tries to, but he’s still so excited and curious. He can feel his heart beating in his chest, it’s going so fast. He takes another deep breath before opening his eyes again and looking at the note in his hand. It’s a short one, just a couple of words. But it’s enough to make Eliott tear up. To make him want to leave his bed and run to this boy.

 

_Eliott,_

_T’es plus tout seul._

_I’m right here if you need me._

_You’re not alone anymore._

_Lucas_  

 

Eliott jumps out of his bed. Somewhere deep inside he finds the energy to do that. The note giving him some hope. Maybe it’s not all bad. Maybe Lucas will stay. Maybe Lucas really cares about him. He needs to make sure Lucas knows he’s seen the note. He doesn’t know how though. He doesn’t even know how long he slept, what time it is or even what day it is. All he knows is that he needs to make sure Lucas knows he read the message. He almost falls to the floor in his hurry to get to the door, to leave his room and search for Lucas. He opens the door and stops. Looking at the person on the couch. He knows that person.

Lucas. Lucas is here. Lucas is in his living room. He can only see the back of the boy’s head, but he just knows. Knows it’s Lucas. Why is he here? What is he doing here? How long has he been here? He keeps looking at the back of Lucas’ head, not knowing what to do. He wants to run, but he also wants to bury himself in Lucas arms. He wants to make a sound, make sure Lucas knows he’s there, so the boy can hold him, but he also wants to go back into his room and not think about it. All the bravery from a second ago is gone. All he can do is stare.

Seeing Lucas, after being apart for a week, is the last thing he expected, even though he wished for it many, many times. He just has to sit down. He’s not even outside of his room yet. He just opened the door. And now here he is. That wonderful boy. The boy who’s way too good for him. Eliott drops down to the floor, not even caring about anything anymore. The note still in his hand, not even crumbled up, just there. He holds it to his heart, afraid of what’s to come.

And then someone is there. Right in front of him. Eliott didn’t even hear that person come over, too wrapped up in not knowing what to do or how to feel, or how to not feel so much. He still can’t look up. He knows it’s Lucas though. His perfect boy. He can see his socks. Of course, this perfect human being had taken off his shoes, feeling comfortable enough to walk around like he’s in his own home. Tears started to form in his eyes. Why would anyone as perfect as Lucas be with someone like him? He’s a mess. He can’t even keep it together right now. A tear slips from his eyes and that’s the exact moment he can feel Lucas hands on his face. He can’t look up. Not yet. He can’t look at those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. All he can do is breath and focus on Lucas hands, right there, touching him.

He needs to keep Lucas away. Even though he also really needs him right now. He just wants to be held. He wants Lucas to hold him. But he also doesn’t. It would be too much, too painful. Too hard to push him away again. And that’s what he should do. He should push him away. Lucas can’t see him like this. He’s not worthy of that boy’s affection.

The thought of Lucas being there, but not being able to ask for what he really wants, not even really knowing what it is that he wants, is making him sob even harder. He kind of wants to go back into his room, to disappear from the world for the next few days, maybe even forever. He doesn’t know.

All he can do though, is just sit there, with Lucas in front of him, still clutching the note to his chest, Lucas hands still on his face, wiping away the tears that just won’t stop. All Eliott can do is cry quietly and look down. He can hear Lucas whispering things in his ear, but he can’t focus on what he’s saying. All he can hear is his own heartbeat and his own desperate sobs. All he can feel is Lucas hands, his soft thumbs caressing his cheeks, making sure no tears make it all the way down to the floor. Making sure Eliott feels loved. Even though he doesn’t deserve this kind of love. Not after what he did. Not after what he put Lucas through. Another sob escapes his lips after that thought. He wants to push away, he has to push away. Has to go back into his room, has to forget about everything. Forget about Lucas.

He begins to pull back, wants to recoil into his room, but Lucas won’t let him. He still has his hands on Eliott’s cheeks, he’s still looking at him. He just knows it, he can feel it. Eliott still hasn’t looked up once, but he just knows Lucas is looking at him with those sad, bright blue eyes. The eyes he fell in love with. That first time they looked at each other in the foyer, it felt like time stopped. Eliott couldn’t look away. And he knows, he just knows, that if he looks up now, he won’t be able to stop looking. Won’t be able to stop the tears. He won’t even be able to breath, because he knows Lucas wears his emotions in his eyes. And it will be too much. It will be too much to see this beautiful boy worrying about him. If he is even worried.

Right now, Eliott doesn’t know what to think. He’s so tired. He just wants to sleep. All of a sudden, all his energy is gone. He’s not even able to hold himself up anymore, so he just leans into Lucas. Letting Lucas hold him. For once letting someone else take care of him. The tears have stopped falling, but Eliott doesn’t even notice. All he notices is Lucas arms around him, holding him close. Touching his hair, unsure of what to do. But he is here. That’s all that matters. Lucas is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter is a little parallel with the end of the first chapter. I didn't even realize I did it, until I read chapter 1 again and saw it.. I literally cried because of that! My brain is so good at surprising me. Merci again for reading and maybe the next chapter will be up sooner rather than later! 😊


	3. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lucas?”. Eliott doesn’t know where to start. He just knows he needs Lucas to look at him so he can find the strength to talk. Lucas does. This perfect boy knows exactly what Eliott needs right now, and he’s so grateful. He is not forcing Eliott to talk, but just looking at him, with that shy smile that does all kind of things to Eliott. Good things. “I’m sorry”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this story and giving kudos and commenting!! It really means a lot to me! I kind of hope my brain will allow me to make Eliott feel a little bit better soon.. I don't want to write him being like this, but my brain forces me to.. At least for now. Let me know if you guys want me to continue..

Eliott has no idea how long they’ve been sitting there, on the doorstep. All he knows is that he really wants to go to bed. He wants to sleep for the next few days. But he doesn’t want to stand up or leave Lucas’ arms at the moment. He feels so good here, protected. Like nothing matters. He knows they have to talk about things, he knows Lucas has questions and he knows they can’t stay like this forever. But he can stay like this just a little bit longer. Lucas makes them shift, so he can lean his back against the door and he holds Eliott even closer, without the risk of falling over. They sit in silence for a long time. Just holding each other, just breathing in the same air. 

Finally, Eliott looks up. He still can’t look Lucas in the eyes, but he wants to see his face, wants to see what his boy looks like, after being apart for a week. His boy. Lucas isn’t even his, right? He doesn’t know if he is. Are they still a thing? Or did Eliott fuck it all up with not telling Lucas about him? Thinking about that makes him want to look down again, but he can’t. While looking at Lucas’ face, he catched a glimb of Lucas’ eyes and now he can’t look away. He has to keep looking into those beautiful, expressive, blue eyes. He missed them so much. Missed Lucas so much. 

Lucas hands cup his face again. The same way Eliott did so many times before. Holding his face like he’s the most important thing in the world, like he’s all that matters. “Let’s go to bed” Lucas whispers softly. All Eliott can do is nod, but the moment Lucas wants to get up, Eliott panics. Lucas is going to leave him, he’s going to put Eliott to bed and then just walk out. He’s going to realize Eliott is too much. Lucas tilts his chin up to look him in the eyes again. “Hey”. Just that word is enough to make Eliott exhale. “I’m here”. And he is. Lucas is still there, still holding Eliott, still looking him in the eyes. Eliott can’t make himself talk, so he just looks. Looks into those beautiful eyes, trying to find something. He doesn’t even know what. Confirmation? Trust? Love? Something in between maybe.

With a shuddering sigh he lets Lucas pull him up from the floor. Slowly they make their way over to the bed. Lucas is being so tender and loving, that it takes all of Eliott's willpower not to cry again. He swallows a few times before looking up again. Lucas is still there, still looking at him with that look. Like he’s important, like he matters. Eliott doesn’t know what to do with that. So, he just looks away. 

They somehow make it to the bed and Lucas is still there. Both of them not even bothering to change their clothes, just enjoying the company and laying underneath the blankets. Close and safe. All wrapped up in each other, not being bothered with the world outside. 

“Lucas?”. Eliott doesn’t know where to start. He just knows he needs Lucas to look at him so he can find the strength to talk. Lucas does. This perfect boy knows exactly what Eliott needs right now, and he’s so grateful. He is not forcing Eliott to talk, but just looking at him, with that shy smile that does all kind of things to Eliott. Good things. “I’m sorry”. At that, Lucas frowns a little bit, like he’s asking Eliott to tell him what he’s sorry for. The thing is, he doesn’t really know. For noticing Lucas that first day, for making him go through all this, for shutting him out. For being such a burden, for everything. For wanting to be with Lucas so bad that he can’t even form words right now. 

He closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to hurt you”. It comes out as a whisper, but he’s sure Lucas heard him, because the arms around him tighten just a little bit more. There’s a soft kiss on his hair and Eliott can breathe again. He’s still not sure how he will get it all out and how he’s going to talk about all of this, but for now he knows it’s enough. It’s enough that Lucas knows he doesn’t want to hurt him. It’s enough to know he’s there. That he’s not alone anymore. 

Eliott slowly wakes up. He didn’t even notice he fell asleep. The thing he does notice though, is that Lucas is still there. He still has his arms wrapped around Eliott, still holding him close and stroking through his hair. Eliott shifts a little and looks up at Lucas. The boy still has this tiny, shy smile on his face. Like he wants to let Eliott know it’s okay. It’s okay to just lie there and not talk. Like he’s going to be there, no matter how long it takes. Eliott can’t help himself. He presses a little kiss to Lucas cheek and smiles a little when he hears him sigh in relieve. It’s like Lucas has been holding his breath too and this is the moment he can finally releases it. 

They both begin to sit up, following each other, no matter what. Eliott is still in Lucas arms, head pressed against his shoulder. He can feel Lucas fingers caressing his arms, touching every spot he can, but never pressing. Never asking anything in return. Only soothing Eliott. The fact that Lucas is so perfect right now is the reason Eliott is tipping his head up, leaning in to kiss him. To thank him for everything. It’s just a soft kiss on the lips, nothing intense yet. A sweet brush of their lips. But Lucas is smiling that shy, lovely smile when Eliott pulls away and that’s all that matters. Eliott is also smiling a little now. Knowing everything will be okay, that they will be okay. 

He finally feels ready to talk. He takes a deep breath and looks at Lucas. “I’m sorry for leaving you on that boat. I know I scared you. I never wanted to do that. I never want to scare you. Or hurt you in any way. I never wanted to leave you there. I just had to get out. I’m so sorry, Lucas.”. He can’t go on. He has to close his eyes in order to not cry again. It’s a miracle he still feels like he can cry. He’s been crying so much the last few days, the last few hours. Lucas tips his chin up again and looks at him. 

“I was scared, you’re right.” He says and Eliott wants to hide. “but not because of the reasons you think. You made me scared for you. I was afraid about what happened with you. I didn’t know where you were, why you left, if you were okay. I’m not afraid of you, never. I’m only afraid when we’re apart. I like you next to me. I want you there all the time. That’s why it was too much last week. I didn’t know I could feel like this about someone.” Eliott doesn’t know what to say. He can only look at Lucas. Why does he always know what to say? It’s not fair. 

After that they stop talking. Both of their confessions too heavy to continue. But it’s okay for now. They don’t need to talk.


	4. At la petite ceinture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas is on the ground now, clutching his stomach, blood all over his face and hands. All Eliott wants to do is hug him and protect him, but it will probably hurt too much. All he can do now, is making sure Lucas is at least a little bit okay and breathing. He doesn’t know what to do. They can’t keep sitting here. Lucas covered in blood,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo.. it took me a little while to get back into this story.. But here we are! I hope you guys still like it.. Let me know what you think about this chapter 😊

They are at la petite ceinture. Eliott resting his back against the wall of the tunnel and Lucas in between his legs. This is the first time they’re here in broad daylight and it changes the whole scenery. Everything feels calmer. They can breathe easily, don’t have to be afraid of the dark today. No need for flashlights, no teasing, only love. There are other people here too, just passing through, not even sparing them a glance, most of them not even noticing the two boys sitting there. 

Eliott buried his nose in Lucas hair the moment they sat down. Feeling content to just breathe the boy’s smell in and enjoy his company. They are listening to some music Lucas put up on his phone, but Eliott is not really paying attention to it, just stroking the younger boy’s arms and smiling a little. Today is a good day. He’s outside, with his boy. 

They talked about everything this morning. All of their fears, what the other can do when it becomes to much. How they can support each other. It feels so good to have it all out in the open. No need to keep anything a secret anymore. And Eliott knows that he can talk to Lucas about everything. He just needs to tell Lucas he wants to talk, and they will. He kisses Lucas cheek and Lucas turns his head to look at him. Nothing but love and peace in his eyes. Eliott can’t help but smile at that look. He tries to catch Lucas lips, but the boy keeps moving his head away, teasing him. 

“Lucas”, Eliott almost whines. Lucas smiles that big, happy, all consuming, sunshine smile of his and Eliott grabs his head, not taking any chances. He just wants to kiss his boy. It’s messy and with way too many teeth bumping, because they’re both smiling so much, but it’s perfect. 

“Get a room, fags!”, they hear someone shout, and just like that Lucas is out of Eliott's reach and on his feet, making his way over to the guy who shouted at them. He can hear Lucas scream: “What did you say?”, while still going after the guy. The guy turns around, not ready to back away from a fight. “I said, get a room, freaking fags”. 

Eliott doesn’t know what to do. He wants to stop Lucas, before it can get any worse, but he can’t. Whenever there’s a confrontation, he just freezes. He can’t think of what to do except look at the two boys shouting at each other. They are the only ones at the tunnel now, no one else around, no one else to witness what’s happening. Which is kind of a blessing and a curse at the same time. 

Even from a couple of meters away, Eliott can see the rage jumping of Lucas. He’s about to punch the guy, and really, who can blame him. Eliott would’ve done the same, if he could even get up now. Apparently, the other guy said something again, because suddenly Lucas is hitting him in the face. They start fighting for real now and it takes Lucas falling to the ground for Eliott to finally get up and run to his boy. The other guy runs away the moment Eliott stands up. The coward. 

Lucas is on the ground now, clutching his stomach, blood all over his face and hands. All Eliott wants to do is hug him and protect him, but it will probably hurt too much. All he can do now, is making sure Lucas is at least a little bit okay and breathing. He doesn’t know what to do. They can’t keep sitting here. Lucas covered in blood, Eliott probably looking like someone kicked his puppy. And to be fair, someone kind of did. He tries to get Lucas to get up, but it’s not working. He’s in too much pain. Breaths coming out hitched, blood still fresh on his face.

\---

Eliott wakes up in a cold sweat, trying to catch his breath. For a second, he doesn’t know where he is. There’s a solid weight on his chests and he starts to push whatever it is away without looking. He needs air, he needs to get out of the room. He starts to get out of bed, almost falling, because his feet get tangled in the bedsheets. It doesn’t matter. He almost rips the sheets of the bed, just to get out. He needs to get out. 

Not even aware of his surroundings, he stumbles through the door, into the living room. No one’s there. It’s a good thing his parents are both at work right now. He can’t deal with them. Air. He needs air. He opens the door towards the balcony and finally he can breathe again. He’s still slightly out of breath and his heart is still hammering in his chest, but at least there’s fresh air. He’s good. He’s fine. It was just a nightmare. It’s not real. He tries to tell himself that, but he’s not buying it. It felt so real. Lucas getting beat up because he was defending their love. Eliott not being able to do anything besides watching it happen right in front of him. Even thinking about it brings tears to his eyes. He can’t do this. Can’t risk Lucas being hurt because of him. Not again. 

He sits down on one of the chairs on the balcony and just stares at the people on the street. It must be somewhere around noon, because the sun is already halfway across the sky and people are busy doing their thing on the streets. Somehow, watching them just living their lives calms him. It’s such a normal thing to do, walk across the street, getting a sandwich to eat, enjoying the sun. 

He can hear someone opening the doors to the balcony and he looks up. Tears still in his eyes, but it doesn’t matter. When he sees Lucas just standing there, wrapped up in one of his hoodies, he loses it. The tears start to fall, and he just wants to curl in on himself. Within a second Lucas is there to hold him. To comfort him. No questions asked. And Eliott lets him. Just this once, he will let himself have this. Craving the comfort so much. He clings to Lucas, fists grabbing the hoodie, making sure Lucas is really there and not somewhere on the ground, beaten up. 

They somehow make it back inside. Eliott doesn’t even know how. He just trusts Lucas to take care of him. Just this one time. After Lucas laid Eliott down on the coach, he walked over to the piano. Eliott is so tired he doesn’t even care that Lucas is not with him on the coach. He just closes his eyes and starts to drift off. The moment Lucas starts to play, he feels his heart ache. It’s that song. The one song Lucas played when they first hung out together. He still doesn’t know the title of that song, but he loves it nonetheless. He keeps his eyes close to really enjoy it. Letting his emotions take over again. 

Once the song is over, Eliott can hear Lucas move across the room. He lays down next to Eliott and takes him into his arms. “Do you want to know the name of that piece?”, he whispers softly. All Eliott can do is nod his head, not yet able to use his voice. “I love you”. 

Now Eliott looks up. He can’t believe Lucas just said that. Just like that. He can see the small smile on Lucas’ face. He’s not ready to say it back yet, to say anything really. So he just makes a surprised noise and hides in Lucas’ chest. Lucas laughs at that and uses his hands to lift up Eliott's head, to look him in the eyes, making sure Eliott understands him.

“I love you. That’s the name of the song. It’s the first thing I ever played for you. It was that night that I was sure. We only spoke twice, but I just knew. Something about seeing you in the foyer made me realize what I’ve missed all this time. You. Someone who’s so strong, so gentle, so in love with everything he touches. I just knew you’re the person I want to love for the rest of my life. I hadn’t played in years. Didn’t even touch a piano for the longest time, but with you I felt safe enough to do it again. To play. So I started to play. The only thing I could think about to play. This beautiful piece. I played that, because in that moment I knew it would be too much to say the words, it would be way too soon. But I could still play them. Just for you. Just like I did right now. But now I want you to hear them too. Je t’aime Eliott. I love you so much.” 

Lucas closed his eyes after that speech he gave. Eliott could feel the nervousness radiating off him. It was all in the way he was breathing, the way he was not looking at Eliott, the way he was clinging to his shoulders. It was enough for Eliott to kiss the boy. Soft and sweet, gentle even. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but that was enough. “Moi aussi, je t’aime”. Eliott whispered back. His voice was rough from all the tears he was holding back, but that was okay. The way Lucas smiled at him was enough. Lucas was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Lucas Lallemant for inspiring me with his instagram post (on vendredi April 12th, 16h26). Because of that instagram post I figured out how I wanted to write the end of this chapter. So merci, Lucas! 
> 
> I'm chelou-mecs-in-love on Tumblr
> 
> EDIT: I decided to end the story here, because (at least for now) I don't want to drag it out and I don't know where I want to take the story, so for now this is finished.. Maybe I'll update it again later when I found some new inspiration...


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